Suicide Counseling Help

Below is all the responses I received to a question about how to best help a young boy who has had his grandfather commit suicide. Thanks to all of the CCCA folks who responded to my cry for help on the Email Discussion List.

This is a really good question; thanks for asking it. I have worked with a number of suicidal and homicidal situations in my past experience so I wanted to offer some thoughts. Hope this is helpful in knowing how to handle this situation.

First here are some helpful Scriptures to keep in mind: Job 14:5 (Job talking with God) "Man's days are determined; you [O God] have decreed the number of his months and have set limits he cannot exceed".
Psalm 139:16 (David talking with God) "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be".

Suicide does break a commandment of God and so it is sin, but it is not unforgiveable. The sixth commandment tells us, "You shall not murder" (Exodus 20:13). This command is based on the sanctity of human life and that man was created in the image of God (Genesis 1:26). Notice that the command, "You shall not murder," has no direct object; meaning it doesn't say, "You shall not murder someone else". It simply says, "You shall not murder." Which includes the murder of oneself. Nonetheless, suicide is not the "unforgivable sin"; nowhere does the Bible say that. So, we can take reassurance that God does offer forgiveness through Christ to those who commit suicide just as to anyone else.

Be aware: A survivor of suicide can really be traumatized by it, and is definitely placed at greater risk of committing suicide themselves. There are four things to look for: suicidal ideation (they keep thinking about it constantly), suicidal planning (they have a realistic and specific plan - like "hanging with a rope in the garage"), suicidal actuation (they have taken steps in furtherance of their plan - getting rope, saying goodbye, giving things away), and suicidal history (meaning they have tried to harm themselves before). These four things are the biggest risk factors for lethality. If you see any of these signs, you may want to consider referring them for professional help immediately. Two other issues to consider: alcohol more than doubles the likelihood they will follow through on a plan. Also, many suicidal people become dramatically happier and more at peace right before they commit suicide (because they have finally made the decision to go through with it and see a "light at the end of the tunnel") - major concern!

Suicide is an extremely selfish act with catastrophic effects on those they leave behind, but in my opinion survivors need to hear from a trusted friend four things: 1.) No matter how much they may think it's true, you could not have prevented it. They made up their mind and there was nothing you could have done to stop them. You bear no blame for it 2.) It wasn't about you. You had nothing to do with it. Nothing you said or did, didn't say or didn't do caused it. It was just the person's way of dealing with their own pain. 3.) If they could come back, they would say, it was a mistake. The vast majority of those who attempt suicide unsuccessfully say they are glad they didn't succeed. They just want the pain to stop. 4.) Just because they did this doesn't mean it is your fate. There is a much better way to deal with the pain. Allow God to heal you and recreate a new heart in you through Christ who gave His life for you, and to you, on the cross. There were times when certain people in the Bible were so severely distressed that they wished for their own death (see 1 Kings 19:4; John 4:8). But these individuals did not take matters into their own hands and kill themselves. Instead, in these cases, God always rescued them. In 2 Corinthians 1:8, Paul reflected on this personally: "We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life." Nevertheless, he depended on God, and God
came through and gave him all the sustenance he needed to make it through his ordeal. These messages in the Bible were written for you - God can get you through this!

Daniel Jeffries - Director of Youth and Family Programs
FAMILY GUIDANCE, INC.
http://www.familyguidance.net

Hello Peter,
I am sorry that you have to be counseling a 5th grader on this issue, but that is the world that we live in. I do have a little recourse which is about understanding and intervening in suicide issues. It is by Jeffrey S. Black, the ISBN number is 0-87552-693-4. I got this little book along with other small books on current issues from the center for Parent/Youth understanding in the Lancaster area of PA. You can get tot their site at CPYU.org and I also recommend that you send an email to them asking for recommendations as well. This young man needs someone to listen to his questions, fears, issues, etc. and then you need to be able to share from God's Word to comfort him. God bless you as you minister to this young man. Blessings, Meg

Meg Neitz, Program Manager, Administrative Assistant
Carson-Simpson Farm Christian Center
www.CSFarm.org


Dan,

Thanks for the great insight and scriptural foundations! As someone who knows Dan, I know he would not blow his own trumpet, but I will for him. He has MANY years experience with at-risk kids and counseling in a professional setting.

I would add some other thoughts I have learned by experience and by trials. Keep in mind that suicide is the #2 cause of death among college age folks. Your summer staff are highly at risk and should not be overlooked in your suicide intervention and prevention plan. I believe suicide should be covered in anyone's staff orientation and that you need to have a written plan coordinated with your nurse and staff. Christians get depressed and Christians do think about ending their life. It may seem weird to call 911 to have an ambulance to come pick up one of your summer staff or campers, but if they are in step 3 or 4 that is the best thing I think you can do for them. We are not trained to help people in those levels of pain. If at all possible, it is great to have a professional counselor on your board, on your staff or on a retainer for these situations. If nothing else it is reassuring to have someone else tell you to go ahead and call 911 or to transport the person to the hospital for a psych eval. Keep in mind this person might take you with them if you do the transportation and they are really serious about ending their life! God is still God. One of our guests at a former camp I worked at went to the cross there to end her life and the Lord or an angel stopped her. She came down the mountain healed and believing. He can intervene if and when He wants.

Also, sadly, age is not a barrier to depression. I have had a 2nd grader sit on an electrical transformer at camp and tell me he wished it would blow up and then try to run in front of a housekeeping vehicle. We sent him home immediately with two staff driving him with him in the third row of the van. Staff who are not trained might just blow off such a young kid or ignore the cries of a summer staff friend.

In Christ,
Sean McFeely

Information from camp BroSend
Suicide Awareness
Seventy-three percent of teenagers have thought about committing suicide—of these, 27% have made attempts.
Three Reasons for Suicide
1. Escape – “can’t take the pain anymore”
2. Revenge – “this will teach them”
3. Avoid Responsibility
Teenagers who attempt suicide were more likely than others to have the following characteristics in their lives:
• Parental loss prior to age of 12
• Family characterized with talk of parents’ divorce or separation
• Chronic illness of a parent during the adolescent’s early years
• Family history of depression
Suicide Myths
1. People who talk about suicide won’t do it.
Truth: Eighty percent of attempters talk about it.
2. Mentioning suicide may give them the idea.
3. Suicide occurs without warning.
4. All suicidal people are mentally ill.
5. Suicidal people are totally committed to dying.
6. When the depression lifts the suicide crisis is over.
7. Suicidal people do not seek medical help.
8. Nothing can stop them once they have decided to kill themselves.
Asking the right questions
• Recognize how bad “it” was or is and don’t be afraid to talk about it
• Have you ever felt this way before? If so, what made you feel better?
• What are you doing in your life that you don’t want to be doing? What do you want to do?
• If things get so bad will you promise to call me?
Appropriate Responses
• Don’t minimize or discount their feelings.
• Take their behavior seriously.
• Always express love, concern, & support using proper affection.
• Know where to turn. 1-800-SUICIDE 1-800-NEW-LIFE
From pass it on – Helping Hurting Kids by Jim Burns & Doug Fields
Understanding Suicide
Suicidal people are just like you and me. We all have problems, the difference is that, for the moment, we feel we can handle our problems and do not feel overwhelmed by them. Suicide seems to be a solution to many, insolvable problems. The vast majority of all suicidal people want to live, if only they can be shown a way.
Clues & Warning Signs
One clue or warning sign may not mean a great deal, but any warning sign suggesting acute distress, despair, or hopelessness about the future, or a desire to “end it all” is worth asking about.
• Direct Verbal Clues – “I’m going to end it all.”
• Indirect Verbal Clues – “I’m tired of life.” “I can’t go on anymore.” Here, take this (cherished
possession); I won’t be needing it.”
• Behavioral Clues – Putting personal and business affairs in order; giving away money or prized
possessions: loss of physical skills, general confusion or loss of understanding, judgment, or memory.
• Situational Clues – Sudden rejection by a loved one or an unwanted separation or divorce; death of a spouse, child, or friend; sudden unexpected loss of freedom.
Question: How to Ask the Person about Suicidal Thoughts
• Ask in a private setting
• Have plenty of time to give to them
• Less direct approach – “Have you been very unhappy lately?” “Do you ever wish you could go to sleep and never wake up?”
• More direct approach – “Have you ever wanted to stop living?” “Are you thinking about suicide?”
• Research has repeatedly shown that once a person has been asked if they are thinking about suicide, they feel relief, not distress.
• Asking the suicide question does not increase risk.
Persuade: How to Persuade Someone to Get Help
• Persuading someone not to end his or her life and to get help begins with the simple act of listening. Listen first, then persuade.
• Listening:
􀂃 Give your full attention.
􀂃 Don’t interrupt.
􀂃 Don’t judge or condemn.
􀂃 Tame you own fear so you can focus on them.
• The goal of persuasion is for the person to say yes and that they will get some help. It is often a good idea to get the person to agree to go on living and make a recommitment to life.
• If they refuse to get help there is still hope. The law does not permit someone to kill him or herself without first receiving the benefits or treatment (voluntary or involuntary). By calling one of the listed resource numbers you can learn how to access the involuntary professionals who have authority, if necessary, to conduct an evaluation for possible detention in a hospital.
Referral: How to Refer Someone for Help
• Best Method – personally take the person to a mental health provider or other appropriate professional
• Next Best Method – the person agrees to see a professional and you know they actually kept the appointment
• Third Best Method – getting the person to agree to accept help, even if in the future
Resource Numbers
• Deaconess Cross Pointe: 812-476-7200 or 1-800-947-6789
• Southwestern IN Mental Health Center: 812-423-7791
• Youth Service Bureau Crisis Line: 812-425-4355
From Question Persuade Refer Ask a Question Save a Life by Paul Quinnett, Ph.D., 1995