Stuff to remember from 'Bringing up Boys' by James Dobson

Chapter 1: The Wonderful World of Boys
pg 2: boys are 'all afterburner and no rudder'
pg 3: Plato said; "of all animals, the boy is most unmanageable" (that was over 2300 years ago!)
Check out this entire chapter if you want SEVERAL good and funny stories of boys being boys.

Chapter 2: Vive La Difference
pg 10-12: Look here for Great lists from kids of why Girls are better than boys & boys are better than girls.
pg 15: "Of major concern to the feminists was what they considered to be the 'sexism' in children's toys. As with so many issues during that era, it was Germain Greer who said: "So where does the difference come from? If it's all bred into us by people like toy makers, who steer boys toward these trucks, girls to the dolls, and by teachers, parents, employers- all the wick influences of a sexist society..."
Great pressure was excerted on companies to 'fix' the problem. Retailers of toys were therafter put on nitce that segregation of merchandise by sex was not to be tolerated. They got the message. For more than two decades Toys R Us implemented a 'gender-neutral' approach to marketing... It was not succesful. Finally the company administered more than 10,000 customer surveys to learn more about the preferences of children. It turned out that boys and girls were interested in different things."
pg 17: Biblical teaching on sexes: Gen 1:27, Matthew 19:4-5. God created TWO sexes.

Chapter 3: So What Is the Difference?
Dobson's Dad, on having a perpetually different view & thoughts than his wife: "Any proposal that gets past both us us must be pretty good."
For Dobson's take on ADD check pages 28-31

Chapter 4: Wounded Spirits
pg 33: Too many sad facts about boys
It was at this point in my reading I realized that Dobson has yet to mention the important of Christ (though to be fair he didn't claim it was a spiritually focused book).
Pg 48: There are 14,000 sexual references a year on TV. $2 billion is spent on Alcohol ads.
Takeaway: Squish bullying immediately whenever you see it.
Pg 49: Marijuana's harmful effects

Chapter 5: The Essential Father
pg 53: "Stable Life long marriages provide the foundation for social order. Everything of value rests on those underpinnings. Historically, when the family begins to unravel in a given culture, everything from the effectiveness of government to the general welfare of the people is adversely impacted. This is precisely what is happening to us today." (and it continues)
Pg 54: "If I may be permitted to offer what will sounds like a hyperbole, I believe the future of Western civilization depends on how we handle this present crisis. Why? Because we as parents are raising the next generation of men who will either lead with honor and integrity or abandon every good thing they have inherited. They are bridges to the future. Nations that are populated largely by immature, immoral, weak-willed, cowardly, and self indulgent men cannot and will not endure. These types of men include those who sire and abandon their children; who cheat on their wives, who lie, steal, and covet; who hate their countrymen; and who serve no god but money. That is the direction culture is taking today's boys. We must make the necessary investment to counter these influences and to build within our boys lasting qualities of character, self-discipline, respect for authority, commitment to the truth, a belief in the work ethic, and an unshakable love for Jesus Christ. The pursuit of those objectives led me to undertake the writing of this book."
Fact: only 34% of American children will live through age 18 with both of their biological parents.
pg 55: "Toddlers are especially obvious in their assertions of fatherneed: they will seek out their father, ask for him when he's not present, be fascinated when he talks to them on the phone...
quoted from Fatherneed by Kyle Pruett: " Teenagers express fatherneed in yet more complex ways, competing with their father and confronting his values, beliefs, and, of course, limits."
I prayed this after reading this section: "Lord, I want to be there for my kids. I know my life is in your hands, but please perserve it until my children are solidly grounded."
pgs 56-57 have a heartbreaking story of a 58 year old man who still remembers his father being too busy for him.
"No man stands so tall as when he stoops to help a boy."
"Tie a boy to the right man and he almost never goes wrong."
pg 60: Sobering stats on prison population... Barbara Jackson quote: "It is far easier to build strong children than to repair broken men."
Bill Houghton, president of a large construction firm, has hired 1000s of people. When thinking of male interviewees he primarily considers the relationship between the man and his father. A great question to ask potential camp staff.
My thought: No matter how early God calls me home I am responsible to leave a memory & legacy that will lead my wife & kids."
Divorse effects kids for a lifetime!

Chapter 6: Fathers & Sons
General Douglas MacArthur- "Nothing has touched me more deeply than [this honor given to me] by the National Father's Day Committee. By profession, I am a soldier and take great pride in that fact. But I am prouder, infinitely prouder, to be a father. A soldier destroys in order to build. The father only builds, never destroys. The one has the potentialities of death, the other embodies creation and life. And while the hordes of death are mighty, the battalions of life are mightier still. It is my hope that my son, when I am gone, will remember me not from the battle, but in the home."
"I'd rather see a sermon than hear one."
Dobson's point (which I agree with): The best way to raise a son is to be the best possible person as a Father.
Dobson's Suggestions in instructing boys: If you speak disparagingly of females, or if you refer to them as sex objects, that will translate directly into their dating and marital relationships.
Prepare a boy to lead his family when he's grown. Make a concerted effort to teach sexual abstinence. "Of course you can do it! Young people are fully capable of understanding that irresponsible sex is not in their best interest and can lead to disease, pregnancy, rejection, etc." pg 76
For Dobson's take on masturbation see pages 78-80
A great set of verses on avoiding sexual immorality: pages 81-82

Chapter 7: Mothers & Sons
Mother's duties-resident psychologist, physician, theologian, educator, nurse, chef, taxi driver, fire marshal, and occasional police officer.
pg 86- results from a USA Today study on child care.
pg 88, 2nd full paragraph- This totally described Jackson at the time I originally read this book. (toddlerhood)
pgs 91-92: Story of Dobson's father sacrificing his career to keep James on the correct path.
Family relationships (via parental involvement and eating together) are VITAL for your kids- stats on pgs 91-92.
Comparing the breakdown of communication in Iraq for the first gulf war to breakdown in family communication- pg 96

Chapter 8: Chasing the Caterpillar
Story of French naturalist Jean Henri Fabre's experiment with processionary caterpillars. Am I keeping Brittany from falling over 'of starvation'? - pg 99
Stories & stats about needing a Sabbath. 2nd paragraph pg 102
Vince Foster, deputy counsel to President Clinton, reportedly committed suicide July 20, 1993. 8 weeks previous he gave these words to graduates of the University of Arkansas School of Law:
"A Word about family. You have amply demonstrated that you are achievers willing to work hard, long hours and set aside your personal lives. But it reminds me of that observation that no one was ever heard to say on a deathbed, I wish I had spent more time at the office. Balance wisely your professional life and your family life. If you are fortunate to have children, your parents will warn you that your children grow up and be gone before you know it. I can testify that it is true. God only allows us so many opportunities with our children to read a story, go fishing, play catch and say our prayers together. Try not to miss a one of them."

Chapter 9: The Origins of Homesexuality
Pg 116 - an obvious reason why homosexuality is not genetic. (2nd paragraph)
Joseph Nicolosi: "In 15 years I have spoken with hundreds of homosexual men. I have never met one who said he had a loving, respectful relationship with his father." pg 121
Scary quote from homosexual agenda: published in 'Gay Community News', read during a congressional debate, "We shall sodomize your sons, emblems of your feeble masculinity, of your shallow dreams and vulgar lies. We shall seduce them in your schools, in your dormitories, in your gymnasiums, in your locker rooms, in your sports arenas... " It continues.. scary! pgs 125-126
pg128: "Most men have inherited a lust for women. Their natural tendency is to have sex with as many beautiful girls as possible, both before marriage and after. Abstinence before marriage and monogamy afterward are accomplished by discipline and commitment. If men did what they are genetically programmed to do, most would be sexually promiscuous from about fourteen years of age onward. Would that make such behavior any less immoral? Of course not."

Chapter 10: Single Parents and Grandparents
pg 135: Novelist pat Conroy- "each divorce is the death of a small civilization"
pg 137: Scripture references for fatherless children- Deut 10:17-18, Deut 27:19, Psalm 68:5, Zechariah 7:10
COCUSA should be a place where single mothers can send kids for a positive male influence. How can we equip single moms?
An interesting networking website for those working in youth ministry: youthworkers.net
pg 146: An old African song: "when an old person dies, it's as if a library burns down."

Chapter 11: Let's Go for It!
pg 147- Bill Dolan story about competition: "I can remember the night at the dinner table when Tom wouldn't drink his milk and I made an issue out of it. I said, 'You're not leaving until you drink the milk.' He said, 'I don't want the milk.' I said, 'That's not the question. You're drinking the milk before you leave the table.' We were at a real Irish stalemate. So, finally it dawned on me that I know this kid, and I went and got a glass, and I filled the glass with milk. Then I said, 'I'll race you.' He said, 'Cool.' And we drank the milk, he put it down and said, 'Let's do two out of three.'
pg 148 Endurance want ad: Men wanted for hazardous duty. Small wages. Bitter cold. Long months of complete darkness, constant danger. Safe return doubtful. Hnor and recognition in case of success." More than 5000 men applied in 1914. only 27 were accepted.
pg 150 "Children are going to disappoint us" How will I react? Snap at them? Or be wise and respond with love and warmth.
pg158 A judgment of skill or power is not a judgment of my person worth- my personal worth rests in God

Chapter 12 Men R Fools
pg 164-165 Why do ads make fun of men? (great examples of this on these pages)
"Do we like being dpected as dumb, horny, fat, nerdy, and ugly? Apparently."
pgs 166-167 Men on Titanic: Reality (masculine; self sacrificing) vs Movie (selfish jerks)
pg 168 "If a man belittles a woman, it could become a lawsuit. But if a womn belittles a man, it's a Hallmark card."
pg 169 Women's strengths: networking, cooperating, facilitation, teaching, training, caring
Men's strengths: entreprenurial enterprise, independent thinking, building, risk taking, planning, leadership

Chapter 13: Boys in School

Chapter 14: Predators
pg 200- Description of a postmodern worldview: "We owe existence to randomn chance in a chaotic universe with no design and no designer. We are accountable to no one to live for a meaningless moment in a dying cosmos that will end in total darkness." Try to pull hope out of that!

Chapter 15: Staying Close
pg 219: "Former first lady Hillary Rodham Clinton told a story about her father who never affirmed her as a child. When she was in high school, she brought home a straight-A report card. She showed it to her dad, hoping for a word of commendation. Instead, he said, 'Well, you must be attending an easy school." Thirtyfive years later the remark still burns in Mrs. Clinton's mind."

Chapter 16: Discipling Boys
pg 241: illustration of materialism: "It is important to realize that this item was not purchased with your money; it was bought with your time, which you traded fo rmoney. In effect, you swapped a certain portion of your alloted days on earth for that piece of junk that now clutters your home."

Chapter 17: The Ultimate Priority
pg 253: Parental prayer: "Lord, give us wisdom to raise the precious children whom you have loaned to us, and above all else, help us bring them to the feet of Jesus. This is more important to us than our health or our work or our finances."
"A rookie playing for the Chicago Bulls in the NBA. One night, the incomparable Michael Jordan scored sixty-six points, and teh rookie was sent in for the last couple of minutes of the game. When the young man was interviewed by a reporter afterwards, he said, 'Yeah, it was a great night. Michael Jordan and I scored sixty-eight points.' That's the way I feel about parenting and prayer."
I realized as I was reading this that my time with Jackson and Adrian is already flying by! (as of Feb 2009, 10% of my time with Jackson and 5% with Adrian) I need a constant reminder of this!