Leader Yourself First: The Lost Art of Self Leadership by Dan Webster

Lead Yourself First - Article
Page 1
Lead Yourself First
The Lost Art of Self Leadership
By Dan Webster
By the fall of 1989 I had arrived. Everything on the surface of my life
glittered. If you were in the world of student ministry, chances are you
had heard of me and may even have wished that you had my job. In my
chosen vocational field, I was at the top of my game. Back then I was the
Executive Director of Student Ministries at Willow Creek Community
Church in Barrington, Illinois, one of the most influential churches in the
world.
The ministry I directed involved over 1500 high school students, an
Internship Program that was producing professional Christian leaders, a
volunteer leadership team made up of over two hundred wonderfully
capable people, seven super star associate staff, and opportunities to
speak were coming in every week. If you were a professional youth
worker, I was someone to envy. On the surface, it looked as if I were
living my dream.
Life Is Not Always What It Seems
We both know that things are often not as they appear. On a cold
Christmas morning in 1989 the darkness of my inner world enveloped me.
At 3 a.m. I found myself sitting restlessly by my Christmas tree admitting
that I felt as if I were dying inside. While working at the largest church in
America, my heart had somehow shrunk to the size of a pea. How strange
things seemed...I was in the middle of fabulous vocational success and yet
I was losing the energy and passion to work with students. I was putting
strong wings on the weary hearts of kids while my own heart was wasting
away.
Have you ever experienced a time like that? A time when all the
externals of life are contaminated by inner discontent and frustration? It
can happen…it happens all the time to good people like you and me.
Two realities of leadership – above and beneath the waterline
Over the years I’ve come to understand that leadership has two
dynamic dimensions to it. The first has to do with the skills, strategy,
methods side of leadership. The other has to do with the heart or
character of the leader. I like to think of these two aspects of leadership
by picturing a sailboat in my mind. If you look at a sailboat sitting in the
water you can see everything above the waterline - the mast, sail, deck
and riggings. I consider this the external part of a leader’s life (that which
is above the waterline). What you can’t see as you look at the sailboat is
the most important part of the boat…the keel and ballast that are beneath
the waterline. This is the internal part of a leader’s life…not seeable, but
most important. In sailing there is one principle that cannot be
Lead Yourself First - Article
Page 2
violated…you must have more weight beneath the waterline than above
the waterline if you want to sail safely. In leadership you can take this
truth to the bank…a leader must develop more weight beneath the
waterline of his or her life or there will be trouble up the road.
This metaphor of a sailboat gives an accurate picture of any leaders
life. We both know that to be effective a leader must have well developed
above the waterline skills. But to be a lasting leader – a leader of real
impact - we must also have a developing and mature beneath the
waterline character and heart.
The 50% factor that’s often ignored
Dee Hock, in an excellent article in LEADER TO LEADER (number
15/winter 2000, www.pfdf.org) entitled The Art of Chaordic Leadership,
mentions that when people talk about the responsibilities of leadership
they almost always begin by thinking of the people under them, those
they lead. He believes this is a fatal error. From many years of successful
leadership he states, “The first and paramount responsibility of anyone
who purports to manage is to manage self: one’s own integrity, character,
ethics, knowledge, wisdom, temperament, words and acts.” Dee Hock
goes on to suggest that a leader should spend 50% of his or her time
managing his or herself so that they bring a full heart into their leadership
responsibilities. That sure seems like a large percentage of time, but my
experience proves that he’s right. I’ve found that leadership isn’t much
fun if I lose my zeal, passion, joy and direction. I’ve learned the hard way
that I can’t ask anyone to insure zeal, passion, joy and direction are
present in my life -- they are my responsibility and the result of me
managing my life well.
Leadership Begins Beneath the Waterline
I’d like to suggest that leadership begins beneath the waterline of life.
I believe that the condition of our inner worlds makes a difference in life.
We must remember that we bring ourselves - our heart and attitudes -
into every relationship, responsibility, temptation and opportunity. And
the condition of our hearts has everything to do with the type of decisions
and impact we make.
My dismal life condition in 1989 can, to a large degree, be attributed
to spending too much time managing those under my care and very little
managing my heart. Maybe you find that true of you today. Way to many
leaders have hearts that are in trouble even though they continue to show
up and fulfill their leadership responsibilities.
Leaders whose hearts are in trouble show it in various ways. Nancy
Beach is a close friend and the director of programming at Willow Creek
Community Church. She suggests the following are signs of a heart, an
inner world, that is trouble.
Lead Yourself First - Article
Page 3
1- A heart in trouble has flat-lined…it can’t feel deep emotion any more.
Healthy hearts can feel the spectrum of emotion such as love, sadness,
joy, excitement, anger and empathy. Hearts in trouble can’t celebrate
even when life is wonderful. This was exactly my experience in the fall
of ’89.
2- A heart in trouble no longer engages in the moment or celebrates the
good things of life. Healthy hearts have the ability to seize the day and
be with people in the moment. In 1989 I didn’t want to be with people
and, strange as it sounds, I sure wasn’t able to celebrate the miracle I
was in the middle of leading.
3- A heart in trouble no longer has room for fun, laughter or spontaneity.
Healthy hearts don’t take life so seriously that they miss the fun of life.
In 1989 everything was work to me, I couldn’t even spell the word fun.
4- A heart in trouble has lost compassion for those hurting. Healthy hearts
don’t look at people in need as intrusions but are able to extend love
and concern. In ’89 I could care less for kids, they were a burden.
5- A heart in trouble has lost the capacity to hear God’s voice and
respond. Healthy hearts are soft, attentive and open to the gentle
prompting of God.
(to get a copy of Nancy’s message HEART CHECK FOR THE CHRISTIAN ARTIST, go to
www.willowcreek.org. It can be found under the ARTS Conference 2000.)
When we mismanage our lives our hearts dry up and turn cold to
both people and God. We no longer live life; we endure life or only look
forward to life destroying fun fixes on weekends. Those who survive and
thrive in life learn what it means to renew their hearts so that they bring a
fresh self into their work and relationships. How do we bring leadership to
our hearts?
Leadership of the HEART
Here are a few tips for leading your heart:
First, be honest. If you read the list above and those five points describe
your heart today…admit it. Admit it to yourself and your spouse or close
friend. Jesus told us that truth has the power to set us free. What is the
truth when it comes to your heart? How is your heart?
Second, own your life. Don’t expect anyone to rescue you. When I was a
mess I wanted someone to notice and take me by the hand and help me.
Forget it, life isn’t like that. No one is going to ‘save’ you. You must take
responsibility for your life. Don’t blame others for your situation. Stop
playing the victim role. Grow up and move towards doing that which will
breathe life back into you. I know that this is risky, but it must be done.
Are you waiting for someone to rescue you?
Lead Yourself First - Article
Page 4
Third, create a plan. The plan I created to get myself back together had
many aspects to it. I asked for some time off. Fortunately, I had a three
month sabbatical coming. Maybe you need to take a few vacation days to
sort out where you are and what you can do to get back on track. A day to
really think about your life and any changes you might need to make is
well worth it. Do you have a plan and when will you create one?
Forth, deal with your ‘stuff.’ During my time off I also decided to go to
a Christian counselor and discuss my family of origin. I knew I had ‘stuff’
from my past that was contaminating my present. I had to courageously
go after my inner health. That experience was difficult but boy was it
worth it. Do you need to talk with anyone to help you sort out where you
are and create a plan for your future? Who?
Fifth, rediscover play. I also attempted to rediscover play. Doing people
work can steal your life. It often seems that the needs of people never
end. I realized that I had stopped playing racquetball and fishing during
the dog days of ’89. I needed to rediscover legitimate fun fixes that
renewed my soul. If we don’t get enough legitimate fun fixes we will be
tempted to pursue illegitimate fun fixes that can lead to further trouble.
What can you do this week that will renew you and be fun?
Sixth, reestablish quiet times with God. Modern culture can
dismember our inner worlds if we allow it to. Slowing down and praying
allows us to remember that we are loved by God and the objects of His
care. You might want to begin by reading one Psalm and one Proverb a
day. When will you get alone and quiet before God in the next 24 hours?
For me the most challenging thing in life is to manage my life so that I live
with a healthy and well led heart. It took me three years to completely
recover from my midlife exhaustion and confusion. I doubt if it will take
you that long. Hopefully you need only make a few minor adjustments to
your schedule to insure that you are leading your heart well. Please get
after this task…your spouse, boss, friends, children and the kids you are
called to love will all benefit.
Lead Yourself First - Article
Page 5
Something to think about:
Take a couple minutes and reflect on the questions I listed under the six
ideas for leading your heart. I’ll write them again here…
1- What is your heart condition today, how are you really? Any signs of
trouble?
2- Are you waiting for someone to rescue you from your present condition
or are you ‘owning’ your life and moving toward leading your heart
well?
3- Do you have a plan for leading your heart? When will you make one?
4- Do you need to talk with anyone to help you sort out where you are
and create a plan for your future? Who might help?
5- What can you do this week that will renew you and be fun?
6- When will you get alone and quiet before God in the next 24 hours?
One last suggestion…
Read Psalm 46 and consider what you can learn about King David’s heart
and what he did to renew himself.